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The Dragon Spirit

April Fools: The Actual Guide to Upset People

Jazmine Grayson, Staff Writer

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Ladies and gentlemen, please get ready to laugh at the most satirical day of the year: April Fools. The day when it is acceptable to pull practical jokes and most especially pranks; the absolute perfect day where it is okay to fool someone. This amusing day is splattered all on the news, radio, internet, magazines, and television, and of course it is, because who doesn’t love cracking a good joke here and there?

 

Pessimists.

 

You know the Debbie-downers, the party-poopers, the killjoys, the rain on our parades, etc. Pessimists are unfortunately the ones who are depressed on just about everything; they see only the negativities of the world, delve deep into the actual role of humor and present their only device they have on hand and quite frankly the most powerful weapon to ruin April Fools and any other day of the year.

 

Pessimism: a word defined as “a tendency to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen”. Now doesn’t this definition spell out the exact opposite of what April Fools is about? People who bring this kind of attitude are bound to ruin everything because how fun is it when a person is not laughing at your jokes but giving you a cold glare instead? How would you feel when you pull off the best prank of giving their homework to their dogs and they’re trying to beat you until you’re six feet under? Even if you try to spread positivity and brighten up their day by pretending to cheat off their homework (basically converting yourself into an optimist), they would still, ultimately, be down in the dumps. Because in case you didn’t know, there is another part to the definition for pessimism: “a lack of hope or confidence in the future”. This means they’re going to ruin the following days after April Fools like April 2nd, April 3rd, April 4th, April 5th and so on.

 

See? Pessimists are stubborn but most importantly killers of fun. They will be the ones who will destroy everything that April Fools stands for. So how do we stop them from eliminating April Fools for us this year? Well, we do what we’re meant to do on this day of course. We:

 

  • Laugh. That’s right. Laugh your most obnoxious laugh in their presence because maybe your laughing can become contagious if you do it long enough. So suck in those breaths and work your lungs to death.
  • Joke. Become a comedian and just joke constantly about everything, especially about the problems they’re going through.
  • Smile. Smile all the time, and I don’t mean those fake smiles where you just curve your lips upward. I’m talking about the ones where you try to show all of your brilliant white teeth and make others feel bad about their crooked, yellow ones.
  • Point. My mother says that pointing at people is considered rude, so this is one of the best ways to crack that dull shell of theirs and lighten up their mood. If you combine your pointing with your laughing then you’ll make flames fly out of their eyes and ears. Isn’t that neat?
  • Prank. The one thing that will really get under their skin is if you masquerade as their worst nightmare, hide under their beds, and pop out from underneath while they’re sulking at the wall. This is sure to prevent them from leaning their heads against the walls all day.

 

So, you see once again? April Fools can be saved from this austere terror of sorrow and negativity by ruining their days. And also, if you’re not buried underground by the end of this day, you can also do this to other people in your life besides pessimists- every day of the year. Enjoy.

 

 

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April Fools: The Actual Guide to Upset People